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This is how I endI’m sorry
For what I’m about to do
I’m sorry
For the failure I am
I’m sorry
For the wreck I have become
I’m sorry
For all the hurt I’ve caused you
I’m sorry
For all the words that were wasted on me
I’m sorry
For not being good enough for you
I’m sorry
For always coming up short
I’m sorry
For what is going to happen to me
I’m sorry
But this is my fate.
Evening childWe’d sit on porch steps
Insecticide burning our lungs
Awkward and gangly attempting to grow into our limbs
You with freckles dusting your nose and I with a small dot on my cheek
You called it a beauty spot and I said god was too lazy to give me freckles

We were 15 and lust driven amnesiacs
Dissolving our flesh with cheap gin in your tree house
Throwing pebbles at the sky hoping to shatter it
We were an epidemic of the underdog prognosis
Playing encores to an audience of cowards

For some reason we’d always rush across rail way tracks
Metal bars quivering and our broken sneakers stumbling
We were branded in mistakes and embellis
No WordsThere are no words to elaborate
To explain this pain, to explain this hate
Against myself and I alone
Have lost the fight. I'm on my own.

To live and to love is to know the pain,
The pain that arrives as steady as rain.
Now insanity rings, straight through my mind.
I've lost myself, so far behind.
Inside Out.Inside Out.

Do you love my insides?
You know the parts you can’t see.

The parts that constructively divide,
All the places where you can’t be.

Do you love my internals?
You know all my unexploited crevices.

All the words I leave out of my journal.
The soft tissue areas that offer no benefits.

Do you love my fleshy, raw fillings?
You know the boring and bloody parts.

The features that are not made for kissing.
The invisible strokes that add to this body of art.

You see it’s my exterior that attracts you
But it’s my interior that made this possible.

So when my insecurities inadvertently attack you,
Don’t be
You Promise MeI promise you, it's me-
I am the one destroying my soul-
I don't care what it is that they see;
I only care to fill this bottomless hole-

Here, deep inside, where I'm the filthiest-
Wretched, and I don't care-
It's hurting, but that is only this atheist
Heart getting what is fair.

I did this, and I hate me, too-
The poison that I drink is what I brew
In this empty cavern of a soul,
is this lust to take and give control-
To those- the libidinous, the wanton Bastards,
to whom I owe my life…, my hole.

Yes, this is all my wrong- I hate me-
Because you forced me to my knees, into this hell
and drowned me in this wretched sea
Beautiful NightmareSo cold hearted and crucially mean
but he is the best of what I ever seen

He walks around like he owns me
The funny part is he barley knows me

His eyes, his side smile fells me up with dreams
Helplessly sitting there wanting to go for the extremes

The thing what his actions do and the cold shoulder of his
Thinking hard trying to know the meaning and what it is

He chases me around when I'm bound to give up trying
When I'm back smiling, he walks out again flying

Leaving me loving a shape shift ghost of him
Thinking what if, and my face draws a happy grim

He love the way I love him and the way I stare
He love when I look at him thin
Part of MeToday I awoke and my light was gone, it has been stolen away
I don't know when or why or how but I must get it back today
I have lived a small invisible life and now I have lost a huge part
I cannot live in the darkness, my light was as precious as my heart
I took my light for granted and assumed it would always be there
I will have to search for it all alone because I have no-one else to care
So I begin my journey across the world starting to learn new things
Guiding myself using the sun and stars and relying only on my wings
I will search the land and forests and streams over and over again
I will never stop looking until I find it
How Cruel is the WorldA girl sits silently, wearing fishnet tights and a pair of shorts
She's got cuts you can see, but nobody looks
In the middle of class she picks and bleeds
The rest of them too stuck to their books

She wants to scream at them, "LOOK AT ME"
but she sits quietly as the blood stains her skin
She wipes away the blood with her flannel shirt
They think she's weird, but won't ask where she's been

so that girl went home, with pain in her heart
She tore off those tights with tears in her eyes
Ripped her skin apart
With blood all around the room

She died a silent death, one that came too soon
She was just a child, she didn't know
That ther
Snow GlobesTime goes on, by and by

I sit there to cry and cry

All alone; all by myself

Like a snow globe on the shelf

Beautiful, yet very weak

If you crack my head, then it will leak

It’s damp and cold out on this shelf

On this shelf; all by myself

You pass me, starting new,

Pushing me away from you

Farther away from you I stay

I’m moving farther everyday

You leave me here, out on this shelf

All alone; all by myself
HalloweenI believe in the time of darkness
Where everything fades away
First I need to find your address
So that I can start to say

"Trick or Treat"
Kids all over the street
Are dressed up in costumes
Standing at your door hoping for a sweet
It's better than worrying about perfumes
You realize that it's Halloween
Where costumes are made for screams

I stand in front of your door
Hoping that there are times for those before
People smile, joke and laugh tonight
I hope that people are ready for a fright
So that we can get ready for night today
Where people go ahead and say

"Trick or Treat"
Kids all over the street
Are dressed up in costumes
Standing at
SmileI put a smile on my face,
Each and every day.
I walk around and tell myself,
"Everything's okay!"
I know I'm not the only one,
And others have had much worse,
But everyone else hides it so well!
Am I the only one with this curse?
I put a smile on my face,
And lately it's been starting to fade.
I know I'll need to deal with my problems...
Just maybe some other day?
Maybe another day,
When I'm a bit more experienced in life,
Maybe then I'll have the courage
To confront these awful strifes.
I put a smile on my face,
I start to hope it's real.
I hope that this numbing pain is almost over,
That I'll soon begin to heal.
I need to heal, 
I need to breathe,
I need to stop pretending.
Because maybe if I stop pretending,
I'll start to feel again.
And maybe when I start to feel,
Then my smile might be real...
I'm not going to act anymore,
I'm done with hiding.
I'm going to force myself to face my hurt.
I'm not going to stop trying.
I still put a smile on my face,
Each and every day. 
As
Hate is a BeastHate is a beast that hides within
Full of bile and fractured sin
It reeks of smoke and brimstone death
Growling viciously with every breath
Beware, beware oh innocent one
This beast can be inside anyone
Don’t watch the smile, the smile lies
Look deeply, deeply into the eyes
And even then you cannot be sure
This beast is cunning and has allure
Many have died within its embrace
This monster behind a very kind face
My only advice is politically incorrect
But would you rather reap regret?
Trust must be earned and seen very clear
Innocent? No, not until proven my dear
Don't wanna know the reasonI don’t know
What would be worse
Finding out it was all an act
And that you finally
Got tired of pretending
Or knowing that
In the beginning
You meant it
And then stopped caring
So easily
I’m not sure
Which one would
Crush me worse
Either way
The fact that you stopped
At all
Is heartbreaking enough
Without finding out
Why.
Broken, fallen, faded, shaken...Broken, fallen, faded, shaken…
On this carousel of blame,
You watch me go around,
Again and again, over and over.

Broken, fallen, faded...
In this maze of mirrors,
My reflection is obscured,
By your hatred and mine.

Broken, fallen...
And the never ending roller coaster,
You’ve removed the brakes,
Up and down, till the end.

Broken...
This carnival of clowns,
And I am the main attraction,
“Come child, come...”

Come watch the angel die
Will You RememberWhen I'm gone
will you remember
my smile,
my laugh,
the way I hug you?
Will you remember
my voice,
my face,
the way I got excited over things?
Will you remember
the time
when you said I looked sad
and gave me a hug?
Will you remember
my words
that I tried to speak
but couldn't reach you?
Will you remember
me
or
her?
Will you remember
my thoughts,
my heart,
my soul?
Will you remember
me?
Browse More Like This
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More from ~azaleapeaock

BetrayedFunny isn't it?

How one word can mean so much

Or so little:

Trust

It's how we live

We build relations on it

We build lives

We build a bond

Trust

Your life to someone

Your future

Your dreams

Trust

We spill our deepest wishes

We spill our deepest secrets

We spill our deepest dreams

Trust

It takes so long

To build it up

And

So little

To watch it crumble

In the blink of an eye
AlcoholicNever shall I be like you

Never shall I go through all that pain

Never shall I be so stupid

So naïve

So uncaring

So cruel

Never shall I make my loved ones suffer

Never shall I let into that

Never shall I be so stupid

So unloving

So bitchy

So forgetful

Never shall I do drugs

Never shall I do alcohol

Never shall I get addicted

Never shall I ever be like you.
Werewolf?I could feel the chill on my neck,

Like a soft breath

I could see the terror in the air,

Like a underlying tone.

I could hear the howls of the wolves,

Like a steady drum.

The moon shone in the sky,

Like a beckon-calling for me.

The stars shined in the sky,

Like a spotlight-waiting for me.

I could feel the pulling,

Like an inner wanting.

I could feel the lust,

Like an overflowing river.

My blood was pounding in my ears,

Like the sound of hoof beats.

My heart was racing,

Like the speed of light.

I knew it wanted me,

Wanted me to come to it.

I knew it wanted me,

Wanted me to release my inhibitions.

I knew it wanted me,

Wan
Too much.When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see my flaws.

I see everything that's right with my body.

My high cheekbones.

My beautiful smile.

My deep blue eyes.

My rockin' outfit.

But once I get to school, everything changes.

I grow weak and insecure.

I slouch when I walk.

I avoid eye contact.

I freak out when I mess up.

All that I can focus on is the negatives:

My frizzy hair.

My overweight body.

My blemishes.

My clothes.

I worry if I wore the right clothes:

Did I wear something ugly?

Did I wear something that makes me look fatter?

Did I wear something with a stain?

Did I wear something see-through?

Did I wear something
Psyically Impossible.From the moment I first laid eyes on you I knew you were the one:

Your smile, the way it lit up your face. It makes my life seem worthwhile.

Your incredibly loud laugh. The way it makes your nose crinkle up in that one special way, melts my heart.

The way you flip your hair, just perfect, not too cocky, yet confident. It makes my heart skip a beat.

Your sense of humor. The way you get everything I say.

Your deep ocean blue eyes. The first time I saw them I thought I was going to drown in them.

The way you're so clumsy. You make me seem like a gazelle.

You complete me, in every which way.

Its like were jigsaw puzzles; meant to be toget
Get out.There's so many thoughts,

going on inside of my head.

I cant think straight anymore.

Everything changes,

in the blink of an eye.

I cant keep up with you.

One day its love,

The next its hatred.

Do you want me?

Or not?

I'm getting tired,

Of playing this game.

Just love me,

Or leave me.

I don't care anymore.

One time,

Shame on you.

Two times,

A coincidence.

But three times,

Shame on me.

Me for believing,

Your fed up lies.

Get out,

Of my heart.

Get out,

Of my life.

Get out,

Of my mind.

Just plain,

Get out.

Featured in Groups:

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escape to a world of writing~ :iconlooselacespoetry: #LooseLacesPoetry
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[x]

My suicide note

:iconazaleapeaock:

Don’t come to my funeral
Don’t cry over my grave
Don’t say things you don’t mean
“She will be missed”
“She was so beautiful”
“She was my best friend”
Just don’t
We both know none of that is true
Don’t give me any pity
Don’t give me any false remorse or guilt
Don’t give me any fake affection
Don’t say any lies
This is my resting place
Let me be in peace
Don’t say any of those things
We both know
You never cared at all.
:iconazaleapeaock:
.

(oh and dont flip over the title, its just a title, maybe)
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:iconsemperfortispoet:
~semperfortispoet Apr 12, 2013
This is true..I hate people that suddenly come out of nowhere to "grieve" over the death of someone. It's like no, I was there every day and knew that person, you don't get to come here and act like you were EVER nice now that she has gone away.
Reply
:iconlupalover101:
~lupalover101 Feb 26, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
this is super good. i totally feel the way the writer must have felt when they wrote this (the imaginary suicider that is ) and i can seriously get the no bullshit feeling in this.
Me being a person who has considered suicide quite a few times in life, i think this would be the perfect suicide note. no woes and remorse for the life lost and no regrets. just going to live in some kind of semblance of peace.
this is super good and sentimental... sparked my feels a bit as i read it :iconsoemotionalplz:

AWESOME JOB!:iconawesomeprussiaplz:
Reply
:iconreizyouup:
~ReizYouUp Feb 26, 2013
Thos another inspirational poem, or are you feeling bad? Either way, good job.
Reply
:icon17bloodwolf:
~17BloodWolf Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:cries:
Reply
:iconmsprophecy:
~MsProphecy Feb 26, 2013
as a poem...? ekhm no comment

I see you feel sad - tell the sadness to get lost, go to a doctor and get some prozac ;)

When you feel like that - talk to the Virgin Mary.
You will see a difference.
Reply
:iconroohdarkmetalsuicide:
~Roohdarkmetalsuicide Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
very good for a song
Reply
:iconattempts-at-normalcy:
~Attempts-At-Normalcy Feb 25, 2013  Student General Artist
So true. I used to feel like this all the time. <3
Reply
:iconchildoftheflower:
Mood: Sadness ~Childoftheflower Feb 25, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This is beautiful but the most genuine statement when going to die
Reply
:iconricardo-orozco:
~Ricardo-Orozco Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
quite sad... makes me worry about you... but it is very true in a sense.. good job
Reply
:icongwendyfox:
Mood: Tearful ~GwendyFox Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
this is amazing.
Reply
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